party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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