dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
