i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
