you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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