Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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