I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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