sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
