he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
