Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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