Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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