just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize