While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
