i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
