I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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