Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
