hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
