drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
FUCK WHALES
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
