I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
