She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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