Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
