drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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