I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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