We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize