I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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