So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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