I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
