Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
