Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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