i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
