i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
