You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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