after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
