I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
