Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
