I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
