haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
