Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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