Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
