I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize