whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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