I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my shit smells like andre
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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