She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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