The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
