no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
