you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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