She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
