the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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