I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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