and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
