Got a toothbrush?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
