his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
