Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
