Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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