know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
