Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
