Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize