so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
be right there i have to get my cape
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
