I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
