Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
