Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
