you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
