I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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