I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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