I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
