i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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