Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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