I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
