i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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