i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
